{where is the reset button}

Do you ever wish you could just have a “do over” in life?

Last night was NOT a good night in our home.  It was one of those nights that I wish I could have a chance to erase and try again from the beginning.  The kids were cranky and argumentative.  Mommy was cranky and tired.  And Daddy wasn’t home to help alleviate some of the pressure.

At bedtime, I gave all three of my littles instructions to brush their teeth, put on jammies, use the restroom one last time, etc.  Pretty much the standard “get ready for bed” request.  As they were changing clothes, I walked into their bedroom and found toys and clothes everywhere.  One thing that I didn’t mention is that I spent about 2 hours cleaning that bedroom last week, without the help of my wonderful children.  They were both gone for the evening and I took that as a perfect opportunity to get in there and get it taken care of.  They both came home the next day and commented on how nice their room looked and thanked me for my hard work.  At which point, I asked them to please do their best to KEEP it looking nice and received very polite “Yes ma’am” answers from both.

I’m sure that any parent reading this will nod their head and quietly acknowledge that they’ve had nights like this one.

But knowing that I’m not alone in this rocky boat makes me feel only slightly better.

Walking into their room and finding it in this state was just about more than I could handle.  I lost it.  I’m ashamed to admit that I even tossed a little more vehemently than was necessary threw a CD across the room.

I’m not proud of it.  It was probably one of the lowest moments I’ve experienced as a parent.  And after all of the “excitement” was over I cried.  I looked at myself and couldn’t stand the person I saw looking back at me.

So, what do we do when we reach the boiling point and feel the need to explode?  Theoretically, we should pray.  In reality, I yelled.  And then I walked away.  It wasn’t until a full 15 minutes had passed that I was able to come back and apologize for my actions.  I guess the fact that I apologized at all should mean something.  And it does.  But I really wish I had held it together a little better and hadn’t yelled at all.

But, I’m sad to say that I, in fact, did yell.  Which goes to show once again that I’m not perfect and never will be.  The best I can do is keep trying and keep learning from my mistakes.

I sat down with both of my girls last night and asked for their forgiveness.  I did my best to explain to them that being an adult and a Mommy doesn’t mean I’m perfect.  I’m still a sinner and I still make mistakes….a lot of them.  I still get angry and I still can be hurt by the actions of others.  But, being angry or hurt doesn’t give ANYONE (even mommys) the right to yell.  There are always better ways to handle our anger.  We talked about different ways to handle being angry and hurt and we prayed that the Lord would help us to figure out how to handle our emotions when we find ourselves in a situation like this one.

The one good thing that came from our experience last night was the opportunity provided to me by the Lord to turn this into a teaching moment.  Perhaps that is the reason everything happened the way that it did.  Perhaps I needed to teach my kids a REAL lesson about anger and perhaps the Lord needed to teach ME a valuable lesson as well.

I, for one, am so thankful that the Lord takes the time to reprimand us and to teach us.  We tell our kids that we discipline them out of love.  But I think we fail to remember that the Lord does the same for us out of love.

Lord, please help me to be more aware of my words and the effect that my words have on those around me, especially my family.  Help me to speak words of encouragement and wisdom with kindness.  Amen